


'A New You' (SDau)

by SugarCoatedOats



Series: SDau [1]
Category: Kingdom Hearts
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Multi, Other, sdau
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-06-30
Updated: 2018-11-10
Packaged: 2019-05-31 00:11:00
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 5
Words: 4,854
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15107672
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SugarCoatedOats/pseuds/SugarCoatedOats
Summary: After sacrificing himself to save his friends, Sora's nobody, Roxas inherits his memories causing a kink in the organization's plans.





	1. Prologue

**Author's Note:**

> An au that some friends and I made where Sora dies when he sacrifices himself for Kairi and it shifts a bunch of things around. This fic is Sora/Roxas's side of the story, you can get more details/spoilers by going to my friends tumblr: https://xiolette.tumblr.com/

Picking up the abandoned keyblade he looked over it, the phrase that Riku had repeated echoed within his head.

“A keyblade that unlocks hearts.” Sora trailed, lifting his hand to his heart before turning the keyblade towards himself.

Hesitating, he glanced over at Donald and Goofy, his friends who had chosen protecting him rather than following their kings orders. He could trust her safety with them.

 

Shifting the angle he took a breath and turned to flash a smile at his friends before plunging the blade into his heart, a sharp cold leeching its way into his chest as the keyblade dissipated in a rainfall of light. His eyelids quickly grew heavy as he watched a heart-shaped light leave his chest, Donald’s shouts of concern ringing in his ears as a second light left his chest.

 

He felt himself falling as the second light continued it’s ascent, becoming star like as his movements began feeling sluggish as if he was underwater. It reminded him of Destiny Islands, the nights that he would spend laying in the sand and looking up towards the stars with Riku and Kairi, the promise to explore them all together coming to his mind

 

His train of thought was interrupted as the feeling of what he would imagine dissolving would feel like begin to take over and overwhelm his senses, Kairi’s shout blurring and warping in his ears as she sprinted towards him and bright light began to obscure his vision.

 

She didn't reach him before the cold took him, drifting into the darkness he squeezed his eyes shut as the memories of his friends and what made him Sora drifted away leaving an empty shell.


	2. Rebirth Is Cold, Or Perhaps It Was The Location

A pounding in his head prompted him to open his eyes, greeted by a blue sky that reminded him of home.

 

Home, what was his home?

 

It wasn't here, he was sure of that.

 

His own memories seemed to stay just far enough from his grasp as he floundered to remember who, or what he was.

 

He felt hollow as he found his hands being planted to the ground, attempting to stabilize himself as he began to stand up.

 

A cold began to seep and curl into his chest, making itself known with each breath that he took.

 

 

 

He hated it.

 

 

 

A whooshing sound created a hooded man that emerged from the shadows a few feet away, his head feeling as if it was stuffed full of cotton he stared at the man with dead hazy eyes.

 

“What do you wish to know?”

 

A deeper voice than what he had expected rumbled from the figure, it called attention towards it and held a tone of command. The man’s voice cut through the fog that had engulfed him, the other sounds remaining blurred and out of reach.

 

As if they were afraid of being heard.

 

His head felt heavy.

 

There were plenty of things that he wished to know, who he was was a big one, along with why he was there.

 

As if the man was reading his mind he raised his arm creating a string of letters;

S-O-R-A in front of him, pausing as if he expected a reaction or at least some recognition.

 

After a moment he began to speak again with a seemingly satisfied smirk.

 

“You feel nothing.”

 

“You are nothing.”

 

He paused again.  

 

“Do you want meaning?”

 

The words aligning themselves with their meanings, he nodded slowly, as if too quick of a movement would cause his head to snap off of his neck like a dead twig.

 

The man waved his arms again, the letters gaining momentum as they spun and danced around him until the man snapped, teleporting to their original positions like obedient toy soldiers.

 

“Roxas.” He read slowly, his eyes drifting towards the man's face in confirmation. His own voice sounding strange and foreign from what he was expecting.

 

“A new you.” He proclaimed with a menacing smirk, his amber eyes boring into him with a glint of ideas for the future use of the boy.

 

“A new meaning.”

 

Roxas stood there blankly staring at the words waiting for something to happen, some clarification or unlocked memories to appear and remove the fog that was drowning him.

 

The man extended his hand towards him, his eyes flashing with something other than the cold all-knowing glare that he had been eyeing him with.

 

“Where are we going?” Roxas questioned, hesitantly reaching towards his extended hand that was uncomfortably pale and sickly colored.

 

“Your new home.”

 

Roxas paused then and with an urgency a memory made itself known, creating an image of himself; what he expected he should look like, and two others running across a beach laughing hard as the water splashed around their ankles turning back to the other kids their faces were blurred nearly beyond recognition their voices close and familiar.

 

A word found him.

 

“Friends.”

 

“What?”

 

“My friends.”

 

“You don't have any.”

 

“What about Destiny Islands, are we going there?” The name tumbled out of his mouth, the man's eyes glinting with something that he could only read as dangerous glowing with hatred, almost daring him to continue.

 

“Destiny Islands is not your home, it was never a home.” The man spat the name out like poison. “The only home you need is us.”

 

“But what about my friends?” Roxas continued to push as the memory grew clearer.

 

“They are not your friends. They were Sora’s. You are his nobody, something that shouldn't exist, what humans consider to be monsters.” The glare that he had been watching him with seemed to grow tenfold.

 

“We, you, are a monster. Not a human, nor heartless. A husk of who you once were, not something a human would consider or want to be their friend. A glitch within the universe something that was not meant to exist, a nobody.”

 

The man’s face remained neutral as his voice portrayed his annoyance for the boy’s questions and his eyes filled with the rage that was lurking just beyond the surface.

 

“We are the only ones who understand you, everyone else will only fear you. You're better off without the ones you thought were your friends.” Roxas looked towards the man's hand, finally falling silent and taking it.

 

“To them you’re unwanted, to us you’re vital.” The man’s eyes gleamed.

 

The shadows seemed to melt together and create a door that the man entered, leading him towards the swirling black and purple mass.


	3. Destiny Islands

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry about the reupload, the original had cut a chunk out of it. Thank you for reading and I hope you enjoy it!

 

He was instructed to create a journal upon his introduction to the castle’s inhabitants, mainly to see if any of his lost bits of memories would resurface and to make it easier to organize the days that began to drone on in a inconsistent monotonous hum.

 

The journal became like a line in the sand, dividing Roxas from Sora. Casual reminders decorated the castles interior, the only thing that could have made it clearer was a large poster of Xemnas with his infamous quote “You are not human, you are a nobody. A new you.”.

 

Demyx had muttered something about the amount of organization propaganda that had wormed its way into even his routine on their first mission together, his complaints quickly evolving into ‘Do _not_ tell Saix that I said that, or repeat it unless you have a death wish for both of us.’

 

He didn't understand why at the time, Saix was more detached than the others but wasn’t outwardly cruel like Xigbar or vain like Vexen. Siax was just there giving out missions and assignments dictated by their leader Xemnas.

 

Day Six he was scolded for using light magic, unintentionally injuring Larxene during his lessons with her as he soon learned that nobodies were extremely intolerant of any light magic, a powerful spell being enough to cause one of them to fade. As they learned that his methods were self-taught, and all of them laced light magic. His style of attack being generally passive, his lack of knowledge on how to use dark magic made it difficult to adopt the aggressive fighting style that accompanied it.

 

His reluctance to using the darkness resulting in various punishments as he struggled with using the darkness as part of himself, wanting to keep it at arms length rather than accept it as part of him, as well as Xemnas adopting a plan of installing a fear of injuring others with his light for him.

 

Vexen was especially interested in how, and where Roxas was getting the light for his spells, along with why he wasn’t injured by it. His punishments for using the light was experimentation from Vexen, the scientist discovering with a immense interest that Roxas had a larger tolerance for light than the average nobody, for reasons that Vexen could not find in the few sessions that were held.

 

On Day Ten Xemnas told them of a new keyblade wielder, someone that was a ‘princess of heart’. They were forbidden from interacting with them- especially Roxas with his unstable form, as getting too close to a heart so light could result in him fading.

 

Day Eleven he was sent to Destiny Islands. It was a recon mission, a friend of Xemnas was slain by the new wielder and they needed to make sure that he wasn’t coming back. Demyx seemed apprehensive about it, more than usual, but Saix wouldn’t send them on a mission if it was dangerous. Right?

 

Destiny Islands burned, the amount of light that surrounded the world smothered it in warmth. A sickening feeling began in his stomach, the buildings they slipped by grew more familiar the longer he stared at them. Flashes of emotions that he couldn’t understand- shouldn't feel- began to gnaw at the edges of his chest.

 

They had managed to reach the beach before Demyx suggested splitting up, “We’d cover ground a lot faster and get out of this hell heat that way.”

 

Roxas felt nauseous, more nauseous and foggy than his first few days of existence.

 

“I’ll take the play island.” A voice said for him, grateful that he didn’t have to attempt to speak again, he started heading towards the boats before Demyx grabbed his arm.

 

“Yo Rox, you can’t just up and steal a boat, what’s Vexen been teaching you?” Another glance over his face caused Demyx’s eyebrows to knit together.

 

Worry.

 

A memory of a horrific storm drifted it’s way too him, a frantic search over the play island led him to someone. He was clearly significant but to who? He had never seen the silver haired kid anywhere before-

 

Roxas’s train of thought was interrupted again.  “Dude are you alright? You look like you’ve seen Axel mid-combat. Maybe it wasn’t that smart of Xemnas to send you to a Light ridden island.”

 

“I’m fine.” The auto-reply said for him once again, Demyx letting go of his arm with the imitated worry written clearly across his face. “At least let me open the portal for you to get there.” He offered, raising his hand towards the nearest blob of shadows and manipulating it. “Be careful alright?”

 

A steadying breath and a nod was his reply, Roxas stepping into the portal on one island to be spat out onto the other.

 

The memories were worse here, he thought they'd go away if he followed.

 

Images of two other kids littered the beach.

 

He didn’t know who they were at all, they were hauntingly familiar; like a dream that had disappeared long ago.

 

The world felt like it was spinning as Roxas struggled to put one foot in front of the other, the warmth from the sun taunting and harsh as ghosts of laughter and conversations floated around him.

 

Everything was too loud, _too light._

 

His face felt damp as he found his way through foliage and into a cool room,- _the secret place._

 

It felt as if he was being torn apart, for a moment he wondering if that’s what fading felt like.

 

The light felt as if it was amplified within the cave, the memories following and gaining strength through it.

 

The air was humid and sticky causing the leather like cloak to stick to the sweat that beaded on his skin, making breathing even more impossible than it already was.

 

Tears and sweat began blurring his vision and burning his eyes, bracing himself against the cave’s cool wall that was decorated with years worth of doodles; his eyes found the one next to the door-like wooden slab.

 

 _Sora_.

 

The memories didn’t belong to him.

 

He was Roxas, a nobody. Something created from darkness couldn't have been from someone this _bright_.

 

The memories and feelings that accompanied them were alien; attempting to squeeze themselves back into places that didn’t exist- at least not anymore.

 

He was the wrong frame for these shattered pieces to attempt to put themselves back together in, he had no past- that’s what Xemnas said. Xemnas wouldn’t lie, not about that.

 

Would he?

 

Another wave of nausea washed over him like the waves on the beach, his mouth was dry and it was hard to swallow.

 

The drawing carved into the space near door taunted him with flashes of memories filled with feelings that he couldn’t understand, that he shouldn’t even feel.

 

He felt his legs give out as the memories swirled like pages of a discarded newspaper, wrapping around him in his own personal paper tornado.

 

The contrasting cold of the cave and the warmth of the light only intensifying the panic that he felt building up in his chest.

 

The memories seemed to speed up, obscuring his vision with blurry snippets of a tanned redhead girl and a fair silver headed boy, each one filled with alien experiences and raging emotions.

 

Laughing, happy-go-lucky ones began to merge with the tragic and ironically heart wrenching ones, mixing the already confusing emotions into an illegible blob that settled into the pit were the cold resided.

 

The rustling of foliage drew his attention to the mouth of the cave, his quick panicked breathing echoed against the walls as Demyx all but fell through the overgrown plants that guarded the entrance.

 

His eyes widened when they found Roxas collapsed and curled into himself as his frame flickered.

 

“Roxas dude holy shit, are you okay?” Demyx regained some of his composure and moved to him. “Of course you're not okay what am I asking, can you stand up?”

 

Demyx’s voice felt distant and muddled, his eyes staring past Demyx’s face as the memories continued to wrap themselves around him in their vice like grip.

 

He couldn’t remember what happened next.


	4. Memories

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ayy sorry about the wait, this chapter was certainly A Time to write, I'll hopefully have the next part out faster but I can't promise anything sorry bout that. Thank you for all the comments left on the previous chapters though, you're so sweet <3 I'm glad you're enjoying it!

The next time he woke up it was different, less Roxas somehow- but how could you be less of anything that shouldn't have existed in the first place.

A month had passed since the ill fated mission to Destiny Islands, and Roxas had woken up to a month of reassigned missions and one less than happy assassin.

Missions were assigned as if nothing had happened after a ‘checkup’ with Vexen, weary glances were glued in the corner of his eyes whenever he stepped into the grey area, his missions were more training than collecting hearts.

His skill with the dark magics that he was taught soared as Sora’s memories began to fully clear away the fog that had suffocated him since the first week he was introduced. The emotions from the memories fueling the darkness that chased away what little light there was left, leaking into the hole in his chest and filling it with ice.

The light began to feel more foreign as he became more comfortable with the darkness that curled about his body and lurked in every corner and alleyway, understanding why the organization did a majority of their work in the shadows. The hesitation he had in the beginning with using the darkness had disappeared, replaced with the uneasy feeling that he would get when using the light, or was simply near it.

Days started to speed by, Roxas mainly kept to himself after missions either sitting in the grey area or tucked way in his quarters. It was safe to say that he didn’t have a social life outside of the team-bonding oriented missions that he was frequently given.

Team-bonding missions went as well as you’d expect them to; the older members giving their (unwanted) bits of feedback on his techniques and fight styles, and the younger ones attempts to avoid him found no limits as the idea of patrolling with a semidead twelve year old seemed to scare them more than whatever punishment that awaited for them, an unsaid question asked through darting eyes when they saw his face on their first mission.

Despite his own attempts to discourage conversation the anxious rambles of Demyx managed to wiggle through and spark a few minutes worth of talking, the subjects bouncing from what they do in their limited free time to the mission at hand.

They were- surprisingly, nice. The back and forth topics being refreshing compared to the unnerved sputtering of nobodies twice his age, Demyx becoming an unlikely friend as their conversations began to drift outside of the missions.

The amount of missions the two were sent on doubled, whether it was a punishment for Roxas’s month long nap or they were at the request of Axel as he was sent to bases outside the castle more often than when he was there; whichever reason it was the two found themselves in each other’s company more often than not.

The few missions that Roxas and Axel were sent on the more obvious it became that the two’s personalities clashed, their glaring differences wiggling their way into missions; Axel quickly growing tired of Roxas’s new found ‘heroic’ attitudes and tendencies, the long lasting effects of the Destiny Island mission still firmly lodged in his chest.

The bags under both Roxas and Axel’s eyes seemed to grow deeper after every mission with each other until Axel ultimately resigned his babysitter duties, offering up his personal headache to the crowd of ever so eager contenders.

The job was offered to Demyx as the older members shutdown the idea of having Roxas assigned to them, a memory of a similar responsibility bubbled within Demyx’s chest preventing the no from leaving his throat.

As Roxas began to fully settle into the demands and schedule of the organization the faster his missions were finished and the more he was given, resulting in frequenting missions where he would travel through the worlds alone on smaller missions compared to the larger ones he was given with Demyx.

Outside the dusks that were used as messengers communication during missions were banned, although few followed that rule with the multiple organization banned phones that were easily acquired via Moogle. After the second alone mission he was assigned, Demyx gifted him with one of the phones before the returned, the anxiety imitating nobody being concerned over Roxas’s ‘wellbeing’ as it had only been a few weeks since he had awaken from the botched mission.

The few hours of down time that the two had were spent between their rooms and in one of the islands that littered the oceans of Neverland, Demyx playing his sitar as Roxas watched the waves crash against one another, faint memories lazily drifted to and fro playing like an old film wheel.

“Hey Roxas,” Demyx began, pausing as Roxas shook himself from the growing mountains of memories. “They’ve been sending a lot of the newer members to some secret location lately, have you noticed?”

“Yeah, they have but they’ve always come back for the most part though, even Axel’s been sent and he’s like, the right hand man of the right hand man.” Roxas shrugged, dangling his legs off the edge. “More like puppet of a puppet if you ask me.” Demyx grumbled as he fixed his grip on the sitar. “What do you think they’re doing over at that whole secret hush hush thing?” Roxas questioned as a few chords were strummed.

“I dunno, they don’t exactly tell me everything Rox, I’m just doing my part and hightailing it ya know?” The chords continued into a light tune that filled the semi-salty air. “What do you think they’re doing?” Demyx glanced towards Roxas as another string of chords drifted from the strings. “Probably something to do with getting our hearts back I guess,” Roxas paused as the memory of losing his- Sora’s heart flashed by, lifting a hand to his chest. “I mean, isn’t that what the organization’s about?”

Demyx shrugged, “Partly, there’s probably a couple other things at hand rather than Xemnas just trying to be all nice and help everyone get their hearts back, you know what happened to number XIII recently right? Didn’t catch enough heartless or something like that.” Roxas clasped his hands together, it was a surprise for most of the organization that he wasn’t turned into a dusk or faded after the first week of his coma, much less make it through three of them without a word from Xemnas.

Something Xemnas had said returned to him,

“To them you’re unwanted, to us you’re vital.”

Being the only keyblade wielder in an organization that’s trying to capture hearts has its perks he supposed. Though it shouldn’t all be pinned on the stupid coincidence that he’s the apparent nobody of some self sacrificing keyblade master, as the missions that he was assigned were picked up by the same puppet who was just brought to mind.

Although they certainly had their differences, Roxas didn’t hate him. Doing what you need to survive in an organization that considered any mission failed something equal to whatever state of ‘living’ that they’re in was the bare minimum of ‘self care’ that they were able to participate in.

“You should probably keep the phone I gave you, just in case their ‘random selection’ includes you next time yeah?” Demyx waved off his sitar, the water splashing onto the grass. “We should probably RTC soon too.” Roxas nodded.

Following him into the portal he shivered at the familiar cold digging itself deeper into his chest, another flash of memory drifted by, a keyblade took up most of the memory’s vision as it was buried into Sora’s chest, two hearts shimmered with light as darkness over took Sora’s vision.

Roxas blinked the memory out of his eyes as he stepped into the grey area, waving a goodbye to Demyx as he returned to his room.


	5. Dreams

Memories danced across the black background of his dreams, the hours before Sora’s death tending to wriggle their way into the limelight as their makeshift play grew faster. 

 

The names Riku and Kairi circling around him as the scenes began to merge with each other, the colors blending and the voices overlapping into an incoherent mess, choking him with each frame as the blurred memories ensnared him in their web as he struggled to escape as he tumbled deeper into the memory’s jaws. 

 

A new memory appeared as he fell, a light.

 

He was sitting on the beach of Destiny Islands, another kid- Riku, was next to him watching the star shower. 

 

Riku stood up, looking towards the houses in the distance. “We should start heading home soon," Riku attempted to say the name that connected the two, his voice fuzzing and warping around the word as it became lost to whatever forces swept it away. 

 

Roxas stood from where he was sitting, following the memory version of Sora's beloved friend. Riku paused at the base of the hill that led back into town, his voice once again warping as he attempted to say His name. 

 

"- You're crying." 

 

The tear streaked down his cheek, Roxas catching it as he put a hand to his face, he couldn't remember if he had cried since he was created.

 

"What's wrong?" Memory Riku stared at him, his small face filled with concern for the monster that stood before him.

 

"I don't know." A strange voice tumbled from his lips- His voice. 

 

"Maybe someone up there is really hurting, and they're waiting for you to help them." Riku offered, slightly shrugging as they both looked towards the sky. 

 

"Do you really think there's a way I can help?" The scripted lines fell from his mouth, "They might just need you to open up your heart and listen." Riku suggested with a small shrug of his shoulders.

 

"I dunno Riku, you say some pretty weird things sometimes, but I'll try it." 

 

Roxas hesitated before closing his eyes, he didn't have a heart to open. He just wanted to escape from this warped dream, to escape the memories that hounded him with the fact that he was a mistake, that even the universe had attempted to dissolve him back into nothing like an uncoated pill.

 

His habitual breath became caught in his throat as he squeezed his eyes shut, standing in darkness for what seemed to be hours until a small stained glass platform began to glow underneath him. 

 

Taking a few steps backwards as the platform grew brighter, images of Kairi, Riku, Donald and Goofy stared up into nothing, a sleeping Sora stretched across the rest of the plane. 

 

Looking up a small glowing light descended from the darkness, as it grew closer he recognized it as a severely damaged heart. 

 

He instinctively extended his arms to catch it, the small light settling gently above the palms of his hands. 

 

"Who are you?" 

 

"You let me take refuge in your heart all those years ago; I saw your light, and I followed it to you.”

 

Roxas paused,  the scripted lines fading as he left the memory, staring at the small ball in confusion.

 

"I never said thank you, for giving me a second chance all those years ago." 

 

The voice paused.

 

“Without you I wouldn't have met the people that mean most to me, I want to help you now."

 

“Saved you?” Roxas struggled to find words, the heart’s faint light burning at his palms. “What do you mean? I haven't saved anyone.”

 

“You lent your light to me at your beginning and what should have been my end. You've let me reside in your light as my half shattered, allowing me to heal. I’ve seen the results of Sora's quest and,-”

“-I want to help you with yours.” 

 

The words caught in his thoughts, help? Help with what, aiding in some unwanted mission that they slide onto his plate every now and then? Collecting the heartless that’s supposed to give the organization hearts, he’s already hosting one does that even count?

 

“You have a purpose much greater than Sora’s personal quest,” The voice interrupted his thoughts, “You both share it because you are him. What you’ve been told by the organization, what you believe about nobodies, it’s not true. Sora is just as much you, as you are Sora.”

  
  


Roxas scoffed, his anger flaring. “Sora and I are nothing alike, the only relation we have is the misfortune that I ended up his nobody. Sora was bright, a somebody. And me? I’m a monster that was created by the darkness from Sora’s fear of dying, even the universe doesn’t want us around. You’ve said you’ve been watching? The Destiny Islands mission is the prime example of it.”

 

The heart seemed to dim a little, whether through the cracks that let the light left drift away or in response to his outburst on the comparison of Sora and Himself.

 

“And Sora’s quest? Sora’s only goal was to find his friends, his only reason for protecting the worlds in the first place- he couldn’t even get that right! Besides,” Roxas trailed off, his anger flickering as he glared at the sleeping Sora, his friends decorating the area around him. 

 

“I’m not their friend, I’m not Sora. I’m just a nobody who shouldn’t exist in the first place. I couldn’t- shouldn’t have been made from someone that bright.” His voice faltered as the words became tangled in his throat. “I don’t have some quest that’s bigger than me, I’m just trying to survive. The only thing I’m useful for is the collection of hearts, nothing more.” 

 

“The false information that has been shoved at you couldn’t have helped either. And here we are, neither pure darkness nor light as you believe you are saturated from. As much as you deny it, it won’t erase the fact that you are simply put the second side of Sora’s coin.” 

 

“Lost in the belief that you were derived from darkness you believe you have lost what Light you had left, perhaps I shall be your light as you were once for me. Take care Roxas.”   
  


The heart didn’t give him time to further argue his point, bright light washing away the platform and the darkness around it, Roxas instinctively lifting his arms in an attempt to protect himself from it.

  
The light washed over him as he opened his eyes to the stark white of his ceiling, an unease resting in his chest as the constant cold that resided seemed to have loosened it’s iron grasp on him.


End file.
